Mike Outram

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Bit of advice for you.

  1. Don’t make very hot soup.
  2. Don’t put that soup into a liquidiser, and, because you are in a hurry, think, ‘I won’t bother washing the lid… I’ll just use a plate as a lid.
  3. Do not align your eyes with the seal of the top of the liquidiser and the plate to check that it won’t, sort of, y’know, spurt out all over your face.
  4. Really, don’t do that.

Things to be grateful for:

  1. Water.
  2. Having a nice clean face from spending 30 minutes under water.
  3. A nice wife who has good ideas like, ‘you might want to go to A&E’.
  4. Pretty good soup.
  5. Being reminded that there’s no rush.
  6. Being reminded that I am an exceptional idiot.
  7. The NHS, and having the nurse take about 1 minute to say, ‘you’re fine’, and not spending 3 days thinking my face will fall off.
  8. The word ‘soup’.
  9. The moment of stoic comprehension versus uncontrollable laughter in the eyes of the A&E receptionist after saying, ’I just burned my face with soup from a liquidiser’.
  10. Going home.