Mike Outram

Music - Gigs - Lessons - Blog

Hello World: The Remake

Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!

Cool. Thanks, WordPress! Anyhow, If you’ve checked out this site over the past few months, you’ll be observing a man that is *ACTUALLY CURSED*. This is not white-man’s-blues. This is not mere whinnying about piffle. This is ACTUALLY SATAN HIMSELF WEAVING HIS DARK WAYS UPON MY LIFE.

Phone line?
“Oh, sorry, we destoyed your line and it’ll be a month before we reconnect you. And, by the way, you’ll have no internet.”
Thanks, BT. May you die of maggot infestation.

E-mail?
Oh, no, silly! That will be DEVOURED BY THE MINX OF FAFF. Oh, by the way, do you you have an iPhone?
“Yes”
“Well that will cease to work.”
“Why?”
“It is the way of the future”
“Thanks. Whatever. Mephhh”

Car?
“Hello, is that the garage?”
“Yes”
“So you realise you’ve had my car for TWO WHOLE WEEKS now and I’ve been shelling out for taxis while you, you, you, do NOTHING?”
Oh, yeah. Well, and, um, um, the, er, water leak, which wasn’t actually a water leak, is now fixed and we have a magic fairy wand that we wave it and do tricks and things and, yeah, anyway – dude – that’ll be £500.”
Thanks, crappy ealing garage.

Computer?
“So, you know that rocking sensation when you type?”
“Yes”
“That’s the battery about to explode”
“For the 3rd time, you mean?”
“Oh, er, yes. Explody battery is fun, no?”
“No”
Thanks, Apple.

Website?
Ah, time to upgrade to WordPress 3
“Cool, what do I do?”
“Press the ‘upgrade to WordPress 3 button’ you total thicko”
“Ok”
“Ah, this seems to have gone wrong”
“I can”t get back to the site now it’s disintegrated”
“Does this mean I have to figure out what has gone wrong all by me selfy?”
“Yes”
“Thanks. Eat lead you scum sucking mekons. May your days be filled with bile and putrescent festering smeg”

So, that, Dear Reader, has been a portion of my month. It does get worse but it ceases to be funny so I won’t labour you with that. So now here I am in Frankfurt having just done a gig with Tim Garland in a nice old church for lovely people. Do I bother to reconstruct this site as it was? Or do I just start again?

I think for the sake of time and faffing I’ll just start again.

So here we are. Born again. All new and shiny. And incomplete. A work in progress.